


Your Lines Are

by anodyneAvian



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Post TG, Pre-TG:RE, Thoughts of death, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 13:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4181133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anodyneAvian/pseuds/anodyneAvian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seidou dreaded it when he was fully healed. If only he hadn't become some kind of monster...  </p><p>The torture was normal by now, sure, even to the point where some of it seemed so normal and painless to him. But talking? That was new, but it didn't wash away the terrible thoughts that drifted through his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Lines Are

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skybean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skybean/gifts).



> Written on a whim because a friend of mine was complaining about most fics involving Tatara and Seidou during the period between the end of TG and the start of TG:Re were just porn, which is... ew, considering these two. So... I wrote this in less than an hour. Yeah. 
> 
> This is the longest thing I've written in awhile and while not my first TG fic, the only I've finished bc of school orz
> 
> Not really as graphic as it sounds, I just wanted to play it safe. Minor edits made 11/17.

Seidou shook and with it came the sound of the clinking metal around his arms and feet. His eyes struggled to focus, not that there was much to look at—just stone and dried blood. The scent of it stung his nose, even if he was more than used to it. Despite knowing full well the blood was his, hunger gnawed at his stomach.

He shivered again, slowly moving his fingers and toes to check if they were fully healed. His stomach dropped when he confirmed that they were. Healing gave him a break, a break where the pain began to subside slowly. Though, he had been noticing that over—over what? Weeks, months, Years?—that over time, the pain he felt was less and less. Of course, that just gave them more reason to amp up the torture, make it harsher and harsher, just to get him screaming once again.

But being fully healed was not a blessing like the break was. It was a curse, a promise that this was the calm before the storm—because once he was healed, they could easily just hurt him all over again, and then just wait for their marks to disappear entirely, with no trace left behind. It was routine now, day in, day out, over, and over, and over again. Of course, it was never always the same torture--it was often switched up, since he got used to the same after awhile. And that? That was not wanted _they_ wanted, those monsters. 

Sometimes he was unshackled usually to take him to the doctor who had made him into a monster, into a _ghoul_ … Just like Nagachika's friend must have been like. Kaneki was his name, right? He remembered Nagachika talking about him—or had it been the doctor? His CCG days seemed so long ago, like another life entirely, but his memories after the raid often blurred into one another. It was hard think straight.

He paused in his thoughts, hearing footsteps approaching him across the cold stone floor. Normally, he wouldn't have minded a distraction, as these days his mind was a dark, scrambled place he didn't quite enjoy being stuck in. However, with his body fully healed, he knew those feet coming towards him were just going to repeat what they had done before, over and over and over again.

“Look at me,” a voice said gruffly. Seidou groaned, managing to force his sore neck up. It cracked as he did so, used to either being down low in a sulk or thrown back with a shriek of pain. Looking someone in the eye wasn't a common action for him anymore.

Tatara—his own personal devil—stared down at him, most of his face still obscured with his blood red mask. For a moment, Seidou wondered if blood was what it really was made of. What would it taste like if it was? He shook that thought out of his mind, pushing it down along with the animalistic hunger boiling up in him, which seemed to build after each torture session. Sometimes they did force feed him, but the tried not to think about the fact he had eaten human flesh.

Tatara didn't say anything else. After staring Seidou down for another moment, Tatara turned to inspect the tools on the table beside him. Seidou just watched, head drooping down a little again. Matted hair fell into his line of sight as he sat anxiously, waiting for Tatara to make his next move.

What would it be this time? Cut off a body part, like his fingers, toes, or lips? Eye gore? Something with insects or rats? The list went on, of course, since he could survive some of the worst torture, now. He hated it, he hated it so much. On top of becoming a _monster_ , he was a monster who struggled to just _die._ Everything he had been through could have killed a human but, _ha,_ he wasn’t even one of those anymore.

“Are you begging for help again?” Tatara asked, voice without a hint of emotion. “I've told you, no one's coming to save you.” Seidou blinked slowly. He had barely noticed his lips had moved, nor heard much of his hoarse, tired voice. He dropped his gaze completely, instead looking at his toes, noting his nails were blackened by his blood.

“What did you say?” Tatara was closer now, his voice surrounded Seidou like it was trying to suffocate him. Out of the corner of his eye Seidou could see the ghoul, but instead he pretended Tatara wasn't there. What Seidou couldn't see couldn't hurt him... it wasn't real, just a monster under his childhood bed.

Seidou felt a harsh tug on his unwashed hair, forcing his head up, his eyes meeting with Tatara's kakugan. Seidou's heart lurched at the sight of them and the stinging in one of his eyes reminded him that he was no different now. He tried to swallow, but his throat was so dry it seemed even devoid of air.

“What did you say?” Tatara repeated. He sounded eerily calm, with no hint of anger in his voice—only hatred and a silent promise of more pain than usual if he didn't speak soon. Seidou blinked a little. How odd. Normally they didn't talk at all, and he briefly remembered his groggy questions from the beginning of everything annoyed the hell out of Tatara.

Seidou racked his brain for something to say. Honestly, it was easier said than done through the haze that clouded his already dislocated thoughts. Everything was a mess, and he wasn't sure if he should be happy or upset that he could at least remember who he was, who those he had cared about were... ( _Akira, Amon, Houji, sister.... where are you? Why aren't you here to rescue me?_ )

What had he said? He wasn't sure... so, next question: What did he want to say? He knew if he didn't say anything, he'd be hurt more than usual. He wanted to avoid that, since not being hurt as much as Tatara could hurt him was one of his few blessings he had left in this world. Plus, he rarely did get a chance to hear his own voice, be reminded he was real, that he was alive... but did he even want that reminder anymore?

No.

He didn't.

“...I want... to die after all,” Seidou said slowly, trying hard to focus on each word to make sure they came out correctly. He closed his eyes after they left his throat, waiting for the painful death that was to come. He knew he wouldn't die fast, but at least this hell would be over. After all, Tatara didn't care about him, Tatara _hated_ him—hell, Tatara had tried to kill him before. So, Seidou knew the ghoul was probably outright _giddy_ to hear him say that, especially considering—

“I thought you _didn't_ want to die?” Tatara asked, head tilted to the side. Seidou opened his eyes again, looking up at the blurry figure. Tatara's white clothes seemed almost blinding in contrast to the dark Seidou had gotten used to.

Seidou averted his gaze, trying to process a response through his thoughts— _just kill me, just kill me, JUST KILL ME_ —before managing a weak nod. Days, perhaps weeks before, he would have avoided such an action due to the pain it would spark down his spine. Now, he felt nothing.

Tatara chuckled, the sound echoed by his mask. It was no giddy laugh, but rather the kind one would expect from a horror movie villain, the kind who took pleasure in the pain of others far too much (but Seidou supposed that wasn't far off from Tatara--only Tatara was worse. Tatara was real, tangible, a threat that wouldn't go away once the credits rolled). Seidou felt a shiver go down his spine. He didn't like the sound of it, of what it implied.

“Now, that would be pointless, wouldn't it?” Tatara continued, grabbing one of the syringes. Seidou stared at it, knowing closing his eyes would make no difference in his fate. He was sure the needle was dull now, but he barely felt it pierce the inside of his eye socket anymore. “After all,” Tatara continued, “We put all this time into you, do you want it to go to waste?” He didn't care, he didn't care, _he didn't care!_

 _I want to die, I want to die, I want to DIE_ —

“Plus, I think it'd be an insult to all the effort you put into begging us not to kill you,” Tatara continued, grabbing a set of pliers. He ripped off one of Seidou's fingers—his most recent choice of torture—as he continued to talk. “' _I don't want to die!'_ was all you said for awhile. You were like a broken record. And now you're telling me you do? You're pathetic.”

Seidou cried out in pain, but the look on Tatara's face told him that wasn't good enough. He turned around looking for something else. Seidou tried to calm his breathing while he had the chance. “Plus, are you sure you want to die? It seems all rather sudden, and we still have so much to do,” Tatara said as Seidou gave him a weak glare. “How about we see just how much you want to die first? You never seem to tire of begging, after all.”

And so it went, over, and over, and over again.

**Author's Note:**

> I had no idea how to end this lol


End file.
